I noticed the jugglers first. Himmel Park in central Tucson was particularly well-used when my dogs and I joined in last Sunday afternoon. The air was unseasonably warm for any four o’clock in January, even for Tucson, and the sun was high enough still for recreation but low enough to gild us all.
The dogs and I walk here often, about a mile and a half from our apartment. The path we take is much like Tucson as a whole; there are strip malls and small business parks, a natural foods store and an international market, coffee shops and bike shops and used car lots, including my favorite, which is patrolled by the owner’s dog. He’s a tawny fellow somewhere between my two dogs in size, and my puppy, Penny, comes alert when he’s in sight almost as much as the elder, Luke, ignores him.
She does the same when we come to the park on days like this, when we come in the afternoon instead of the morning, when the park itself is like Tucson. I smile as I watch the jugglers — one pair throwing six pins between them, a girl showing another that she’s getting the hang of a three-ball behind-the-back maneuver, and a third man tossing five balls of his own — and when I look past them to take in the rest of the park now that we’ve come fully around the library that sits at its corner, I see that here too is the mile-wide city.
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There are ball-fields marked off in the park and backstops for baseball. In the nearest field is soccer — a match a touch too intense to be casual, I wager, but still informal, lacking in jerseys or referees so far as I can tell. To the east is a group of young men using the copse of trees there to practice slacklining. I watch them, for a minute, while the dogs eat grass, because this kind of sport fascinates me most: one struggling to perform without points or goals, man against self and nature, balance versus mind and gravity.
We move on slowly as the dogs notice a girl sitting near the edge of the soccer field, sketching on a medium-size pad. I wonder if she has tried to capture a player in motion or if she’s looking beyond them to something in the trees or sky that I can’t guess. Not wanting to snoop or interrupt, I keep the dogs moving, a peaceable distance away from her turf. Yesterday morning we likely cut through the very spot where she’s sitting, early enough that the grass where she’s settled still crunched with frost in the shade.
The next field is quiet, and just past its corner there is a couple playing fetch with a chubby yellow lab on the bank of the dry grassy trench that curves here to trace the back side of the fields. They look like Gen-Xers, almost yuppies. Penny gets excited at the sight of this dog chasing a ball — my ball? retrieve, Mama? — but I do my best to reassure her that he hasn’t stolen her ball, which is sitting on my desk at home. Despite Penny’s interest in him — or more accurately in the ball — the lab doesn’t seem to care to meet us so long as Dad keeps up the game. I can hear strains of the couple’s conversation as our paths come close and then move apart again; he is talking of work, of business, until the dog comes near, at which time his pitch rises two octaves and becomes a caricature of every dog owner, the syllables so enthusiastic and pleased, so excited by the dog’s successful retrieval of the ball yet again, that I can’t even discern words except, at the end, go-git-it.
In the backstop on the southwest corner of the park is a man with four dogs working on training exercises. I say, “Lots of friends for you today, kids.” With the exception of a pit mix, the dogs are all low-rider dachshund types that don’t match their handler’s thick-armed, tank-top-and-tattoo exterior. Again with the exception of the pit and trainer, none seem to notice us, but the owner leashes the big dog to the backstop and continues to drill the smaller dogs as we near and go by. The pit cocks his head at Penny, recognizing a shared ancestry perhaps, but then lies down contentedly.
After the playing fields, the ground drops to a dirt path, beyond which is a flat area with picnic tables and eucalyptus trees, as well as a jungle gym and swingset. Beneath the trees — Russian olives? I think but can’t be sure — we get a brief concert of guitar practice, what I suspect might be an informal lesson between friends, mariachi music or a Latin-American polka; my ear isn’t good enough to say for sure. We pass behind the guitar players, and not fifty feet in front of them are three or four pairs of women watching their children at play. There are a few strollers and quite a few older children, two in particular I notice sitting in the grass who seem to feel they’ve outgrown visits to the park with Mom and probably have brothers or sisters on the jungle gym nearby. I smile and say to my own teenager — Luke is thirteen years old — “You’ll never be too old for the park, huh, big guy.”
We take the dirt path, avoiding the auditory chaos of the play area, which I’ve noticed sometimes make the puppy skittish, depending on the degree of shrieking. There is quiet, though, on this section, that deepens as we pass behind the pool, closed for the season. Ahead of us are tennis courts, and most often when we are here — a coincidence of timing I’m sure — the players seem to be only children and seniors getting lessons, though occasionally I’ll see a young couple or a pair of friends playing in earnest, a quieter, more intense game that makes me miss the days when I played. Each time that happens I wonder whether it would be cheaper to re-string my racquet or buy new, but I never think of it any other time — out of sight, out of mind. This afternoon the two courts I look into are occupied by families, moms and dads and maybe an aunt lobbing shots back and forth with tall children in white shorts.
There is a T in the path where the courts and pool buildings and ball-fields meet, and here we turn right and follow the fields a little further. In the nearest field is Ultimate Frisbee, white tees versus colored tees, as best I can tell. Penny’s eyes light with interest as a girl with a long dark ponytail makes an excellent throw to a player on the far side — but I only know it’s an excellent throw in that it flies fast and with a curve that seems intentional and her teammates congratulate her and the young man who caught the disc. It occurs to me that I have no idea what the rules of the game are or whether a point has been earned, and I don’t find myself lucky enough to overhear someone reiterate the score, so I’ll never know for sure if that’s what we witnessed. I ask the dogs — “Do you know, kiddos? Was that a point?” — but neither seems to know, answering only by watching two speed-walking women cruise by.
We’ve taken our last turn, after which there is a stretch of path before we angle away over a pair of hills to the park’s second play area with its squishy false ground and jungle gym designed with smaller children in mind. Along the ridge of the taller hill, there is a little girl in pink tights and black boots, maybe two years old, running ahead of her mother and back again, playing a game of her own invention that involves scaring, herding, and running away from the pigeons that feed there. The dogs and I always scale these hills, rather than going around them, and skirt the play area on the other side. There we often meet eager children who scream or whisper puppies! puppies! over and over. Luke seems to love children, allowing them to pet and hug him without concern, but Penny’s reaction is still somewhat mercurial and dependent on the child’s voice and demeanor. On one occasion, we were all caught by surprise by a four-year-old boy who ran into our midst during a vigorous grass-eating session, plopped down cross-legged, pointed at Penny and pronounced, “She looks like Dana, and you look like my aunt Ruth.” The dogs had no more idea how to respond than I did.
More common are little ones like Minerva, toddlers who slowly wander in our direction, away from Mom, Dad, and the play area, half curious to meet the doggies, half afraid. Minerva looked to be just out of diapers, and though I’d already offered to introduce her to the dogs, her dad asked if they were friendly, just to be sure. We all squatted down behind our respective babes and made the introductions, Minerva’s eyes as big and bright as coins as she imitated her father’s gesture — “Let the doggies sniff your hand” — and as she built up nerve to touch Luke’s coat. Penny sandwiched herself between me and her brother, intent upon the grass instead.
Minerva’s parents and I talked about helping her become brave but smart about dogs and about raising Penny to be calm around children. We talked about how maybe the next time we run into each other at the park both of our little ones will be up to actual petting. We talked as if it was a sure thing in a city with a metro-region population of over one million that we would see each other again.
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Somewhere along the stretch between the hills and the edge of the park, I often take a knee to tussle with the dogs and give thanks that we have this time together to relax and let be. This is our time, my phone silenced in my pocket alongside the bag of their treats and my house-keys. In the same way that I am thankful to have room for them and time for these walks in my life, I am equally grateful to have that room and spend that time in Tucson.
How awesome the city of Tucson is comes up in my life, spontaneously, quite often. On a recent afternoon, as I sat at a café looking at the mountains and the weird murals, smiling at the hipster fighting the wind to light a cigarette for an old man, listening to the first-daters behind me and the traffic hum, I realized for the first time, bright as day: I don’t want to leave. I am one of many who have never felt at home anywhere but Tucson.
Yes, Tucson has tragedy. Yes, other cities have mountains and murals and hipsters and parks with soccer and frisbee, and even jugglers and artists. A lot has been made of Tucson’s small town feel since the shooting that killed Christina-Taylor Green, Gabe Zimmerman, Judge John Roll, Dorothy Morris, Phyllis Schneck, and Dorwan Stoddard, and injured Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and others.
What makes a town of so many feel so small?
What we do, here, we do together. Working, playing, healing, teaching our children. We turn to each other, not just seeking and needing but also offering. We reach out. We extend.
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In the mornings it is so quiet in Himmel Park that I can feel the banking of pigeons over my head as they move from one field to another, from the pool fence to the hillside, the sounds of so many wings like a tumble of air. Penny is always interested in birds, whether on the ground or in flight — she is just five months old, after all. I can’t yet tell whether her interest is dietary or merely olfactory. It is often that she startles a bird or persistently follows one that cannot be perturbed and I get to share a laugh at her antics with another Tucsonan, maybe another dog walker, maybe a jogger or a stroller-pusher or a cyclist or a guy just sitting in the grass with his laptop. Each time that she tenses on the leash — Mom! It’s a bird! or Look! Another one! — I hope that in her next life, Penny is a little girl in tights and boots, chasing birds on a hill, always within the sight of someone, no, within the sight of people who love her.